The pink midgets playing hockey is the EXACT reason cold meds and alcohol do not mix. Period.
Question. If Kwik Trip and Kum and Go were to merge, what would they call it? Kwik Kum or Kum Kwik?
the doormen always congratulate him in spanish as he walks me downstairs in the morning
the guy i hooked up with is asleep on our couch. please dont fuck him.
At the bar dressed as a taco. not a typo. Come down.
If you come, call before you come in. I'm tanning my balls. Enjoy that visual.
So apparently we dropped beers outside the apartment last night, and someone RETURNED them! Ha like what? I just walked out the front door to Christmas in a box on my doorstep.
...then she kept trying to make balloon animals with my flacid penis. I'm never drinking whisky with you again.
I have a meeting at work in an hour, I'm so hungover going outside is NOT happening there are roads and shit I'll totally get myself killed.
I woke up to a head of lettuce on my nightstand, someones Honda abandoned in my yard, the cat partially shaved, and a empty bottle of sailor hanging by a scarf from the rafters. Oh, and 26 people apparently came though and rubbed my back in the process of the night. Happy 23rd to me!
I remember fighting the chubby dude and the bouncer put me in the full Nelson. Woke up this morning with a dislocated shoulder. We need to finish the rest of this beer though
We need large glitter to throw at people to signify our mystic nature
Fuck their feelings and their drinks they will get hit with sparkly confetti
she gave me her number and i just said "no. cant."
Looking through last night's sexting, realized one is a haiku..
You came into my room and started rubbing a banana on your face.
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