M and I are hungry and we are making your pizza in the fridge. But you're having sex and we're not so we dont feel bad.
It all came flooding back to me: there was a woman with one hand
I owe all of my success to double stuf oreos and weed.
a man that wears gold spandex underwear and party boys other people is a man after my own heart.
All was going smooth until he pulled a condom out of his collection he kept in a Cheesy Gordita Crunch Box from Taco Bell.
I thought you'd have died of alcohol poisoning years ago! How'd you get my number?
At the party. I feel like I just walked into a lifesize blunt.
How was your weekend?
The sex was so good. It hurts to exist.
you were wearing a pair of wings and handing out McDonalds apple pies, if anyone refers to you as the "Rave Fairy" you now know why.
THIS EXPLAINS SO MUCH.
Mom brought home a 36 pack of Smirnoff and was all "ring any bells?" and then winked. I'm scared. What does she know?
I can't get over how you look like his sister and he wants to fuck you.
I'm trying to get laid this Halloween, not inspire the next season of AHS
My mom just said "okay girls, the ONLY thing i ask is that you stay sober Saturday afternoon, until halfway through lunch. And you don't wear that crystal camo hat. This is a funeral, not a tailgate party"
Best wishes.
Apparently i disappeared and no one found me until the morning , but i have fifty missed calls
I am no longer and illegal Moonshiner. I just made thousands of gallons of incredibly High test alcohol with police watching and waiting for thare couple of jugs so that they can bring home and disinfect their houses with it. I'm fat with money at the moment.
Randomize
