So apparently vaginal secretions are not covered under water damage insurance for my cell phone
I have big tits. Rules don't apply to me.
we need a dd. For wednesday. At lunch. What are we doing with our lives?
succeeding
Woke up naked wearing mismatched earrings. Didn't even make it to the bar.
Hypothetically going to the gym on coke was a good idea
How bad is the voicemail?
You graded my boobs.... C minus. Asshole.
I have a diplomatic trade for you. My pants for your rum. Tomorrow?
whats our policy on dating high schoolers?
we dont have a policy but im pretty sure the state of michigan does
Those were some damn good pancakes you made last night.
Dude I've been in FL since Monday.
Some girl dressed in nothing but Wonder Woman underwear and a cape on her ass just started twerking all over us. Remind me why I'd never been to a midnight of Rocky horror before?
He also complimented my butt. High praise coming from a boob guy.
I'm glad there seems to be a general consensus regarding your ass
Uhh I just had to break up with a guy who I didn't even know I was dating...
VASECTOMY FOR THE WIN
I just found a piece of dried shredded carrot on my bed
I sent her a dick pic and used brett Favre's dick pick. She asked me why I had pictures of old men's dicks saved on my phone... I just can't win bro
Randomize
