Todays outfit involves shorts with embroidered fish. This kids gonna die.
We had sex on the first date...do you think he thinks I'm a whore?
Yes and so do I
I'm having a flashback of telling a guy that he was beautiful and graceful like a unicorn while playing shuffleboard.
I feel like our low point of the night was when we had to start chasing with ice cubes and wheat thins.
Sex on roller skates
Floating mattress
Tie
NO SHITSVILLE I just saw a homeless dude punch a pigeon that flew by him
I was gonna buy a KIA, but then I remembered how awesome the sex was in the back of a Hyundai so I went with that.
i think the sex is so good because i get a contact high just from fucking him
I want you to get off the plane and get directly into my pants
You threw up in your own shoe then wore it home
returning from a 6am booty call in 2 feet of snow on a Tuesday is a bold new kind of low for me
He turned on read receipts specifically so i'd know he was ignoring me.
Hey I’m obsessed with Charlie Heaton from stranger things...not because he got caught at the border with coke...okay that’s a lot of it
she went outside...danced, got some snow, and put cherry vodka in it. she was so proud of herself.
Can you see if my straightener is in your refrigerator?
Yes. Its here..
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