I blacked out in 45 minutes and woke up with a missed call from someone I saved in my phone as the karate kid.
maybe after you take off her top her face will be hotter
I just realized i masturbated to the home shopping network. I either need to get a boyfriend asap, or a subscription to a porn website, or i just need to stop taking ambien
You came back with puke all over your sweatshirt and started doing darth vader impressions
they said he just opened the front of his shirt and threw up alll over himself
dude, it should not be this hard to find a bottomless mimosa on a friday morning
I finally won that bet on when the anorexic girl would pass out at the gym. You owe me 10 now
hey im home...im not sure how this mcdonalds got here but whatever im gonna eat it anyway.
Memorial weekend is going to be amazeballs. Jungle juice, drunk guys, and my vagina being stimulated by the vibrations of a 4 wheeler. I mean there is no way that can go wrong.
We're both on the slippery slope toward middle age...and really shame riddled bar experiences
um so slept at robs. he woke up, looked at me, and said ' oh my psychiatrists are gonna have a field day with this one' I think that's when you know you can't hang out with someone anymore
You'd think somebody who rolls blunts like jesus himself could roll a god damn burrito
I was late because I helped this old romanian lady mow her lawn at 2AM.
And that is why we dont do tequila shooters at 1 in the afternoon. Because you go home with a beast like that
He's UNCIRCUMCISED. And it curves. Two things I've never encountered in all my sluttiness and they're both on the hottest guy alive. :(
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