I just told my parents that Capt'n Crunch does weird things to my mouth... my dad just stared at me
Just talked to the girl you brought home from the bar last night while she was looking for her panties. She said to tell you "nice try".
I just got a high school volleyball teams practice cancelled because I slept with the head coach through their practice time.
That's science, my friend. Boner science.
Yessssss I diiiiid! I enjoyed 38% of it. There are 4 qualifications and 2 were good. 1. There is a penis in my vagina (Pass) 2. It's a big penis (Fail) 3. The sex is long and exciting and makes me sweat and have 6 pack abs (fail) 4. I got off (uhhh potential to pass...)
We tried to break her futon, I crushed my balls instead. You have one less reason to be jealous that my balls are insanely huge and yours are not.
She was into my hawaiian shirt and id never made out with a dinosaur... I feel like it worked out for everyone
His name sounds so important....sounds like the name of my future baby daddy to me.
We're taking a shot every time Landon Donovan takes a shot. It's clever, sort of.
HE FINALLY TEXT ME AND CALLED ME BY MY TWITTER NAME STAND BY FOR THE WEDDING INVITE, BRIDESMAID
I need a fuck buddy with more available hours
The condoms have been found. I repeat: THE CONDOMS HAVE BEEN FOUND. he isn't a collector!!!
I'm glad that we laid to rest the suspicion that he was keeping them in a scrapbook. yayy
He was fingering me and I came so hard that I actually broke his wrist. We're at the ER now.
he just got here with a handle of tequila and box of condoms. looks like i'll be spending the weekend in bed
Now I know Sunday Funday means fucking till you loose your voice.
Randomize
