my dad wants uyo to call him right now...reverse drunk dialing
that john and kate plus 8 dude has ruined asians for me
dude, she masturbates with a ken doll.
He keeps asking where i got my clothes and accessories. i'm not sure if he wants to fuck me, or go shopping.
oh no, im for sure still drunk. i wana eat evrything in the fancy feast commercial... everything
Don't play hard to get, I've seen some of the girls you've slept with.
Im in a bar and I just invented a scrabble drinking game. People are cheering. It's like the universe has aligned itself.
Romantic bubble bath turned into splash war. We can't be adults about anything.
Its okay I walked into your house, searched for my wallet in your purse, and took a shot of Tequilia all without eye contact, right?
I'm offering you baseball tickets and my vagina, isn't that enough?
Found my bike today. On top of the garage. I'm not even going to ask myself why.
well he somehow got his hand stuck in some bike spokes trying to reach for a blunt he dropped and that's NOT the reason he's in the hospital...?
Apparently drunk me thought it was a good idea to buy $100 worth of band aids and stick them all over everything in the apartment.
Haha never eat brownies from a guy with batman pajamas
His penis is average but his stamina is amazing!!! I didn’t know I had that many orgasms in my body!!!!
Randomize
