Cool, I just put that together. I didn't know if using a tie-died sub machinegun was too crazy
So I cleaned the toilet last night at 2 am and woke up with pink eye. Never doing that again.
For some reason there are two like 10 year old black girls crumping at the bar. I feel like I'm in a missy elliot video.
you almost dropped the shot glass then you thought you were such a hard ass for catching it that you slammed it on the table and broke it
yea last night was a repeat of newyears...exept this time it ivolved a fish costume, throw up, a hole in the roof, and cops...lots of cops
You'd be amazed at how difficult it is to find pics of the helicopter dick
I am very proud of your internet skills
They called it unicorn pee, and i thought that was interesting so i drank it. Please don't let me drink strangers booze again.
I can't straight up say the only reason I smoked a couple bowls with you was for your three legged cat
What section do you want to sit in? The screaming girls section or the "when you guys were popular I was straight and pretended not to like you guys" section?
I apologize in advance for the number of sex toys drying on the bathroom sink.
I told the emergency room nurse I didn't want to stop and ruin the moment. She said safewords are there for a reason. Super condescending. Got her number though.
Turns out it's a fake number.
Sigh. I'll find the right guy one day.
Prince charming is right around the corner and will be freaky as shit!
I smell of tequila and Im going to a funeral. This is my life.
Did u puke in a church parking lot? And go to the wrong funeral yesterday? Lol
If the multiverse is real, would you screw yourself? I'd screw myself.
Randomize
