I thought she had blonde hair
No, Gonorrhea actually
The bar is so dead the tender gave us free shots for staying. They mixed 2pac and phil collins. That's worth at least three shots.
Oprah is sooooo fat. I can't even concentrate on Mackenzie Phillips talking about banging her dad
I think I may have appendicitis, but the house is like two blocks from the hospital so I'm just gonna go and drink anyway.
Hey just wanted to let you know my nose is broken and I have a fractured wrist. I told you it wasn't a slip and slide.
Dude I didn't think you'd do it. I mean come on, who puts a slip and slide on their driveway?
We should bet how many people are going to get alcohol poisoning next weekend and whoever wins gets a free Starbucks.
She's trying to figure out what kind of dinosaur I am... Yay codeine.
THIS NIGHT WILL NOT GO DICKLESS
What's worse: not calling my parents in Dallas to make sure they're alright or not taking shelter to masturbate all over my douchebag roommates clothes?
I worry about you.
Definitely just found that pen in the microwave. What the fuck.
I am an advanced cybernetic robot sent back in time to 2013 to fuck my wife senseless for hours on end. Have you seen this wife?
Eddy, if you don't want to roll play then say so. This is just obnoxious
I think I'd be more bothered by his cross dressing if I wasn't secretly into women..,
I think he just tried to put your boyfriend in a trashcan....
he's a fucking beast. people that don't even know him have started calling him "puke and raleigh"
But he said I was unpatriotic for not having sex with him. What was I suppose to say to that?
Randomize
