I have carpet burn on my ass, I'm rethinking my decisions last night.
i blame lastnights decisions on friday the 13th
no, didnt close...
What?! she made the first move and invited you back to her place. thats like striking out in t-ball pathetic...
As im putting my laundry in the machine, i find a solo cup and a pong ball that i signed babe ruth
How am I suppose to fully love you when you cant even open up and try to fulfill my midget fantasy
I'm trying to have a "pick me up from my house so I can get completely annihilated night" any takers? Cmon people this is what friends are for
Using the balance in my bank account I just calculated how many fifths of vodka I can buy this year. Don't let me buy food, all my money is reserved for alcohol
I'm glad that even though we are states apart our whorish hearts beat as one
Dumb decision of the night...walking home drunk and smelling my pepper spray
unless you have a dick and you were thinking of chopping that off
I want falafel more than sex right now. That's really saying something for me...
sitting in a shitty karaoke bar playing pokemon go and drinking a mimosa. how is your sunday night
I'm both gender and math confused
I'm totally picking out my shrooming outfit and blankets right now
Talk shit all you want but with my new knife sharpener I have a lethal razor sharp pizza cutter. Fuck with me Mario I dare you!
Randomize
