It's always a relief to be able to look at some one, and remind yourself that there IS some one who gets laid less then yourself.
I think my mom's writing a book called how to fuck with your kids when you know they're high
im shotgunning beers in the kitchen. alone. the cat is judging me.
I don't know how I feel about the stuff we got from that guy. Me and Monty are driving through town listening to static at full blast...
I have Denny's hours of operations written on the palm of my hand....not in my writing, in a girls writing, is that as good as or equal to a cell number?
I packed spaghetti and rum. But panties? Nah
You were face down in the punch bowl, humming the theme to jaws
That explains the stains on my shirt
Every girl my sister has brought home from college I've had sex with, check and mate motherfucker
how did you know i stayed over last night?
there was a trail of glow sticks and cheetos from the front door all the way to his bedroom
We just broke my bed mid-sex, laughed, then continued. If that isn't true love I don't know what is.
He was so high he started playing Twister on the striped rug. Then when we missed midnight he went on a screaming rampage about his New Year's Eve being meaningless. How do you think it went?
Fuck you and your fucking taquito's.
I was floored. Like way less concerned with him using drugs than I am with him not believing in evolution.
they told me that it was glow in the dark and would make me magical. I was too drunk to say no. I woke up to a purple vagina.
its like a neon Im stupid as fuck sign
also. when i get a car, the amount of space there is for sex WILL be a huge deciding factor.
Randomize
