my boyfriend just named your boyfriend's penis.
I play with my boobs when I'm bored. I playwith my nipples whe I'm drunk
I want someone to please me without me having to show him steps 1 through 5
I think it might be brain cancer. Hangovers can't be this bad
I'm glad we have the kind of friendship where if either of us is too drunk to fuck a hot guy, we pass the responsibility to each other and get the job done.
I just re read that. We really need to get our lives together.
that freshman chick we always see on the weekends walked into art class wearing a jaegermeister shirt and holding a monster, which she proceeded to shotgun with a pair of scissors. It sickens me to know I will never achieve her level
Theres a midget tsa agent. Just an observation
The spray paint was a bad idea, 'insert penis here' isn't coming off
Today was my cousin's Kindergarten graduation. I happen to also think of it as a MILF convention.
I just had to explain to an 70+ year old lady what 'coitus' was. This was not in my job description.
I wanna get high and watch Shrek tonight...don't make me do it alone.
I came back from England with a face tattoo and the only thing anyone can talk about is my beard.
Some days, I wish I could get a hug from a furry muppet
I was really surprised he asked for my number the next morning..... and my name.
My face is going numb. I think it's time I call it quits
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