i'd like someone to explain to me why my clothes are all sticky. including my fanny pack. yes, this is a mass text.
no you cant smoke seaweed
so i just realized i am an alcoholic. I was making some tomato soup because im still sick, and put vodka in it. sad huh? lets go out!
Please tell me you saw the asian lady with the medical mask on cutting her lawn with scissors.
Side note, we are 25 fighting over our sophmore year RAs Drunk facebook attention
They're pole dancing on a handicap sign post.
I think the camel was justified in biting me.
I cant believe they held hands while getting simultaneous bjs
If you already knew specifically that I was smoking a bowl in my remodeled bathroom AND THEN still wanted to initiate sexting, please proceed to the altar and marry me this instant.
you look like you're about to get down on your knees and give america the business.
She sent me a pic wearing only my batman cape. She stole my cape dude!
She yelled out "MCDREAMY" mid orgasm
Dude she passed out on the floor so you covered her with a blanket to make sure "no one would notice her"
And when she started moving around and making noises you told everyone, "it's okay, it's just my roomba under there".......
I think I just saw my socks in the parking lot.. gonna keep walking
Guess how much it costs to flush your pants down the toilet?
Randomize
