So we were sitting in his back seat and he asked me if I practiced giving head. I mean really, who asks that?
I'm officially my mother.. Smoking in the garage pretending to take the dog out in a big ugly jacket
Apparently one comment in my womens studies class cockblocks yourself for an entire semester.
Apparently I joined a band last night. Definitely my favorite blackout.
Either call me back or tell me you're in jail. For fucks sake. If this is a cop, just help out. national league.
Picture this: me driving down 183 throwing up into a towel. I just hit rock bottom.
You called yourself Captain Aspirin and then tried to cure my headache by shoving pills up my nose. Fuck you becoming a nurse, you can't take care of me while you're drunk ever again. Ever.
I would convert to being a Republican and Mormon just to sleep with Romney's sons. The things I would to do them.
Found out people don't like it when you get drunk at fundraising auctions and bid in foreign currencies.
I'll get him an axe as a present. So he can break out of his closet. That axe being my penis.
Apparently "I have the beer shits" isn't the excuse my boss wanted to hear. So sue me
possible new low: just washed a permanent marker penis off my cheek with porta-potty hand sanitizer.
also if this is gonna be a sample of how country jam will be, I might as well break up with him now. he spent the night blacked out and I could have been in a three-some.
Nothing quite like walking through a spider web on your way back in from smoking to fuck up a perfectly good high.
The guy who was interviewing me asked if I had coke on my pants. You win this time Las Vegas
Wine is the only reason I'm making it in the real world
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