I can't tonight. I'm still nursing a beach sex injury. Don't wanna talk about it.
I thought that since they were twins... they would be equally as good in bed
I need to write the inventor of adderall a thank you note stapled to a copy of my degree
I'm covered in egg mcmuffin wrappers and my room smells like dead hooker.
Did you eat 9 cans of raviolii last night?
Come on man nobody wants to admit that
its official: beach shits are the exact same as mountain shits
The best part of last night was the women's softball game on the TV at the strip club
There's a picture of you on facebook laying in the street with 3 cops standing over you after you faceplanted off that guy's shoulders.
Is that what happened to my face?!
I found a half-finished mass text from my California weekend that said "things I want to rape: you, things, stuff, and le"
And that's why we do second round interviews for possible roommates.
she keeps dunkaroos and gatorade in her bed. yep pretty sure im in love.
It was 16 hours of liver killing mistake making goodness
What is it in my brain that makes me look at a penis and think "that belongs in my mouth"?
I’m sorry I pressured you for dick pics.
Please stop telling my mom she doesn't have nipples when she's been drinking. You know shell show you. Forcefully.
Randomize
