yeah she is the one who tells people i beat girls.. which ironically make me want to punch her in the face
I have one thing to say: spongebath.
I wish that wasn't all you had to say. And by that, I mean I wish you hadn't said that at all.
You drank the expired grape juice because you were convinced it had fermented into wine...you have a problem.
I accidentally asked my mom for a blowjob because 'mom' and 'molly' are next to each other in my address book.
When she e-mailed me back asking for proof, complete with hospital intake records, I just told her it was a home-birth. I'm prepared to take the fail.
just fucked two guys in less than 12 hours. i miss this part of being single.
and by single i mean slutty
Swear to god, if I have to wingman for you on my honeymoon I'm gonna be pissed
Well were gunna have to wash the couch cover now...maybe even the couch, soap or fire your decision
You would think the bank would reward me for getting my account down to 3 cents without overdrafting it.
We designated a driver... But it was me..... So we designated another driver
a pizza costume came into my possession last night. needless to say i showed up to his house wearing only the pizza, shouting "delivery" into his window.
I need you to know that everytime my toddler does the downward facing dog in the nude I think about the night you and your dude fell in love.
I believe in using alcohol to heal from the inside. Not as a topical solution.
Hurry up I'm getting mooned by a hobo
Haha I'M GOING TO MISS HIS PENIS SO MUCH. But not his bipolarness.
3.5 bazillion penises. So not that hard to find a new good one
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