i cvme to yuor rooom...wherer are youf?
please be gone before i get back
Holy shit bill nye is being consulted as an expert on cnn and hes credited as the science guy. What the fuck is the world coming to?
white shorts are a girls way of saying "im ready to fuck cuz its not my time of month"
had to ask my 13 year old sister if she knew any dealers... she did. it's good to be home.
thankjk goddddn taco bell uis open htis lateee!
you do know it's eleven in the afternoon, right?
My mom called me and we started arguing as usual. I finally screamed at her "I HEAR YOU AND THAT 30 YEAR OLD FUCKING!" and hung up. She hasn't called back yet. I win.
Hey we met at the bar a week ago. Your friend gave me a rose and you asked about my nipples.
Also I fell in love w a girl dressed as a pirate that was great at doing the limbo
Chilling on my porch debating between pre work drinking or video games and getting high.
Aside from the possibility of pregnancy, I'm going to call last night a raging success.
We turned a wake into a bar crawl.
I only drink at bars with bathrooms big enough to have sex in.
I'm still drunk dear. I just woke up 3 feet from the front door with 20 dollars worth of taco bell in my hands.
Right now I'm laying face down on my carpet in my living room in the darkness sending work emails from my phone.
It's a glamorous life.
wheres my face? and why is my pocket so big?
Randomize
