If I go to jail what happens to my debt?
You dont have to pay it.
I'm going to jail.
is it wrong that i plan on stealing a few pipecleaners from my preschool classroom to clean my bowl?
I just remembered before I gave him head I couldn't find a hair tie and he offered to hold my hair up. Maybe we were wrong.. Maybe he does have a heart.
It was unlikely that the relationship was going to end with anything other than antibiotics.
what has two thumbs and is going to bang you boss on monday?
I don't think he understands what an important role his penis plays in my level of self esteem
He just said he was the Jesus of alcoholics.
He talked me into making a sex video, no worries though, I was wearing sunglasses.
Aw lol. Sounds like my masturbation injury last year
Fun fact: I don't want to be an actual functioning adult because why
I ran into my parents house and stole a bottle of vodka last night...Apparently left them a note that read "DRUNK. TOOK VODKA. BRING MORE."
Had to snap chat three different people to ask who left the bite mark on my thigh. All three said "Wasn't me". Now I can't wear a bathing suit to my mom's pool.
I feel like I put a fire out with my hand but idk if that was a dream or not
We found you in the bathroom at 1AM throwing money into the toilet making wishes. That drunk.
.... Seriously?
I am become drunk, destroyer of all worlds
Randomize
