Woke up at 4:30am to my little brother shaking me. Apparently I fell asleep naked on my kitchen table waiting for the toaster to pop. 2 years of college completed and i still havent learned my drinking limit...
Just tried to chase Captain Morgan with water...this whole drinking alone business is getting harder to do.
Do you remember trying to eat gravel when we were walking back to the dorm?
We tried to get a ride from the same firefigters that were turning off the fire alarm going off at our house.
Watching tv. She's giving me head and she hates it when I watch her.
Wait so they unscrewed the bathroom door to find you naked?
friends don't put videos of other friends on youtube puking on their professor on the first day
I just puked behind a tree outside work, then walked past my manager with puke in my hair. Man, I'm gonna miss this when I get a real job.
ahhhh just came to creep and you're not there AND your thong you were wearing last night is on the floor..someone has some explaining to do
"Little drunk?" Honey you were "livetweeting" Sublime's "Sublime" album while it was playing in his car, and at one point you said you hoped they play Santeria. "Little drunk" doesn't cover it.
Look I'm sorry I stuffed your wife's bouquet toss but I won't have that weak shit in my house.
he woke up this morning, drunk as fuck, butt ass naked, and he had left grandmas gun on the counter and doesn't know why.
One time she showed me her pierced nipples in our high school locker room and now she has a daughter
Want to have dinner and we can talk about how my vagina can make you feel better?
Wow first he impregnates you then he won't send you the sex tape you made together? Where has chivalry gone?
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