I blacked out in 45 minutes and woke up with a missed call from someone I saved in my phone as the karate kid.
Doubtful. That seems irresponsible. The 4th will kill you if you stopped drinking until then. Let's think logically.
He told me since I'm into organics I should know his meat is known locally for its quality and hes hand raised it since age 13.
She kept telling the ambulance to sit down and then started crying when we told her it couldn't hear her
Meeting girls and telling em you have no hair on your calves is not an acceptable pick up line
work has become about six times more interesting since i started fucking my boss.
Did you blow the guy you weren't supposed to hook up with again in the bathroom of pita pit? Cause that happened last night...
Wrote my name backwards on the test and asked for extra credit points. Late start booze days are my new favorite thing.
Swear to god you say cuddle bunny one more time and honest to god I will sacrifice a bunny on the hood of your car
We were walking home from Pluckers (read carrying your drunk ass) and out of nowhere you yelled "Say bitch you got a Facebook?" at a random chick walking by.
7:26 bus just came. I am sweatier than Louie Anderson eating chili in a sauna
also my alarm just went off. I am always amused at what time drunk me decides to wake up.
He was so aggressive it felt like he was giving my boob a root cannal
Do you sleep with the same women I've already slept with on purpose?
I think you handled your pregnancy scares better than that cricket in your bathroom
Randomize
