I think I just met the technical qualifications for binge drinking in five minutes
Fuck. I just got my nipple tweaked by a plus size drag queen in a purple dress. I feel like I got molested by Grimace.
She. Own s my pussycat. Roxk it like. The sun hitting the horizon
I am definitely the only sober one on this train. And the only one not wearing a business suit. Wow, Monday Korea.
You overflowed the toilet cuz you tried to flush apples. you said they were singing too loudly
I just want to let it be known that I almost put my phone in the fridge.
I was grinding on people that were grinding. Nonconsensual.
Last night when you stole the construction sign you told me to tell you that first you did it for the money Than you did it for the music But mostly you did it for your family
If throwing a bottle across the bar, hitting a skank in the head and not getting caught was an Olympic event, you'd bring merica the gold every time
omg sorry but i tried to stop you when you were at your drunk limit but i took my eyes off you for like 2 seconds and you suddenly appeared with hard liquor in both hands for yourself and downed them and it was downhill from there
I just looked down and realized I was walking around in briefs and a ninja turtle shirt; and for a second, I thought I was 8 again... Weird...
You told me you were with a dog dressed as a taco, and it was the only one you trusted
Halfway through missionary I realized I was partially laying on his sleeping dog and idk that just kinda ruined it for me sooo
If I hear you use the phrase "silky soft scrotum" one more time I swear to God you'll regret it
We could probably bang our way to enlightenment. However acid helps.
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