Michelle and I recorded her bunny humping it's little rubber black ball.
i just looked at my contacts and realized i saved the pizza hut girl's number as "fckucin pizza" the other night.
he fucked me so hard my future children felt it
sometimes i think i'm bisexual but then i realize the only girl i'm attracted to is myself.
I love you more with every blowjob.
You should write for Hallmark.
I borrowed a glass of wine. And the bottle. Your cat said it was ok
The smell came through my closed door. His farts are made of rendered tires, and apparently, ghosts.
at least I have the sex noises of his roommate to entertain me while I wait for him to wake up
Do the molecules within bourbon change when mixed with a cola to form a superior liquid treat?
Do you remember lying across two tables saying 'go away I'm trying to pull' to me, Sollie and Sean?
The worst part about living in a small town is partying with your pharmacist and then having to buy Plan B from him the next morning.
STOP HOOKING UP WITH SOCCER MOMS! YOU ARE RUINING MY REPUTATION!
If I could drink as much and have the amount of sex he has at his age, well I'd probably be dead
There are way too many people I have fucked in this class for this not to be awkward
My last one night stand called me today. Apparently I gave him a yeast infection in his mouth. Not sure how I should feel about this.
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