Pooping in your heated bathroom to the sound of rain and instrumental guitar might be the greatest experience ever.
and all i could think about was how mcdonalds would not be open anymore after we were done having sex
yo your bro wants to know what time he got home and were you hosing him off
There are very few times i will succumb to laying naked on my bathroom floor. But lastnight is a resonable enough cause.
he cock-blocks himself, don't try to make excuses for him!
I'm sorry I peed on myself in front of your boy toy. You should tell him I'm usually not that trashy. It was nice meeting him tho..
Well you were listening to music and having sex really loudly. How was I supposed to know you'd hear me making rocket sounds?
Thank you. I woke up with a beard hair in my mouth. Super classy.
Imagine the quality of nudes you could send with a selfie stick
Also, full disclose I puked in a fruit barrel box
logically I know i should probably study somewhere outside my dorm room, but if I do that then I cant drink and smoke half as much while i study
If you dont get laid dressed as Woody Harrelson in Zombieland, I have lost all faith in the men of nw Indiana.
also, i'm not sure if i'm proud to say this but our regional manager's hot fiance was grinding on me at the reception while he stood and watched.
i suppose that explains why he told me he plans on promoting you this Friday.
I ended up sleeping with him in a public bathroom because neither of us remembered where we lived. I have hit a new low.
Okay, let's just all take a step back and think about how funny this will seem in like a year... Maybe 2 if his nose is actually broken.
Randomize
