everything is bigger in texas. Including my drinking problem.
Found a barbie with nipples. Life is complete.
Remind me to tell you the "if you give a mouse a special brownie" story when you get back
She was a little hefty, so I turned on the strobe light in our room. Everything looks better with a strobe light.
Dude, those shrooms u gave me made me remember writing the bible. Fuckn awesome
My sunday was babysitting three big, drunk, crying Swedes. Unless your day involved four or more giant drunk swedes I don't want to hear about it.
I keep having dreams where I tie him up and eat cookies off of him while riding him. Wtf brain.
I think my pickup truck has been used for the sex... This doesn't sit right with me.
we are the best best friends ever. You had sex in an ice cream truck I had sex in a fire truck
He was passed out, face in the toilet, so I just pissed on his head. Serves him right
Did you poop on the roof?
WTH?
Is that a no?
I don't know where you went, but if you're anywhere near the liquor, pour me another drink
What are you bringing to class tomorrow?
sorrow
When he pulled out it sounded like a balloon deflating
At least I’m an “essential employee” and can still bang my boss. \n\nFingers crossed my husband doesn’t ask why I’m essential, the orgasms are too good to give up during this pandemic
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