You need to stop texting me at SEVEN in the morning. It wakes my one night stands up and makes for the awkward talk way too early.
you have to choose: penises or morals?
Its like the long john silvers of colleges, I wouldnt even go there to use the bathroom
better question... why wasnt i wearing a cape the previous 20 years of my life???
threw up in my backpack again. Asian guy I cheat from wasn't pleased.
I just decorated my birth control case with Lisa Frank stickers. If that doesn't scream 'I'm not ready for babies' I don't know what does.
Been home for 3 days and already spiked coffee with Kahlua. Only 106 till we go back to school
May or may not be going home with my jamitor. i'm kiddong, btw, i have no idea. i'll let you know soooon.
I told my mom about how you got white girl wasted and sobbed about Whitney Houston. She sends her condolences.
tell her thanks so much
We tried to make ramen in a glass bowl on the stove. They called facilities to pick the glass out of the door
I also think about what hot dudes penises are gonna look like when theyre 80 and it's not pretty
You still owe me a blowjob for knowing more about hurricanes than you.
She's eating hot cheetos out of the bag with chopsticks, Matt, how is she NOT my soulmate?
Crying into a glass of wine at 10 am isn't exactly how I planned this day to go
no, it was more of an i-don't-think-he-even-knows-what-a-clitoris-is, bad.
Randomize
