Rock
Scissors
Fuck
She told me to stuff her like a turkey. She actually yelled happy thanksgiving.
1 in 5 deaths i nrussia is alcohol related. GO MOTHERLAND
I don't want to have to force feed him my vagina!!
She said to bring taco sauce. Hoping that's a euphemism.
THE BIG GAY MAD HATTER IS HERE AND HE HAS DRUGS IN HIS PANTS FOR YOU. COME DOWNSTAIRS BITCHEZZZZ
Just remembered seeing jalepenos in my vomit last night. Reminded me to thank you for sharing your queso with me. You're a good friend.
I thought you were single?
I am. But thats cuz no one wants to marry shame and regret doused in tequila. But thanks for reminding me ya dick.
You had your shirt off checking IDs at the door and you don't even work there
White people are beatboxing! Save me.
This is Jewish guilt versus Irish Catholic guilt. We should tread carefully, or we could fuck up the space-time continuum or something.
I'm okay with that.
I just had a horrible epiphany. I have fucked girls younger than Star Tours
This text was so worth waking up to
I'm not drinking with you for AT LEAST a day
I'm up in my room and I just saw a naked guy sprint out into the streets from my mom's party downstairs
Officially hit an ultimate low today. I was so hung-over I threw up on the ground in front of the jousting display in the London tower. But on a positive note, Brits are very understanding when you vomit on their history.
Randomize
