this is a family affair. You're an embarrassment.
whatever it's not my family
You need to come get me. I'm pretty sure that gravity's going to crush my brain
The future queen of Norway was pregnant with a druglord's baby when she met the prince. We still have hope.
double majoring has taught me only that psych majors are sluttier than govt majors
He wants to know how I lost my bra in his pants....id like to know too
After four attempts, his condom would not flush. I had to remove it with salad tongs.
I just made my roommate a 'Hope you don't have chlamydia' cake.
Make one for john too.
is year to celebrate how much I love you, I made a mosaic of your penis with conversation hearts. it's in your mailbox.\n\nHAPPY VALENTINE'S DAY TO YOU
He asked her to marry him and she said yes. There is NO WAY she knows about his penchant for wearing lingerie.
My tweets this weekend consisted of me telling every bar I went to that they were my favorite valentine. I've never felt like more of an alcoholic
Whenever I'm not in the mood and don't want to go to bed swampy, I just strategically suck him off during the second period intermission of the Cup playoffs and he leaves me alone and does the dishes. It's a win-win.
I went eBay shopping last night. Turns out I brought a Viking drinking horn. I can't even be mad.
Wikipedia just saved you three hours and $30 on a bar tab. You should donate.
$5. Donated.
I just wrote a love letter to my weed and texted it to my cousin. I can't say it any differently. It happened.
do you think that identical twins have the same size junk? i just want to know your opinion before i find out.
Randomize
