I am slurping my drink like I am going to the electric chair
I puked in the pool and didn't tell them, then they all went swimming. Is it dick to just sit back and enjoy the show?
Fantastic. I'm pretty cold, tired, dirty, and hungry, but that comes with an adventurous weekend. Who needs a wallet or keys anyway? I could totally be homeless.
I just found that video of you jumping onto my exercise ball feet-first and face-planting into my shoe rack.
Last I remember we played rock paper scissors for who would fuck the guy with cowboy boots on and I won..
It's like a booty call, except its for tacos...and you're my brother.
My parents don't seem to understand that all I want to do over break is smoke in bed and watch Workaholics.
Nothing says love like couples STD testing
Nothing says breakup like the results
Didn't want you to think it had been open season on my vagina since we broke up.
You were carrying a 6 ft lamp that we stole on your back yelling "OHANA MEANS FAMILY AND FAMILY MEANS NOBODY GETS LEFT BEHIND"
My husband was abducted by a group of disco dancers in the parde and danced off down the street. If you see him, tell him to Hustle on home and clean the cat box. #MardiGras
Nice classy night out before we roll our faces off
He in a way got kinda cockblocked by Jesus
Now the fun stuff starts.
Someone is losing a finger.
Grabbed the cop's ass and he still arrested Heather instead. Victory is mine!!
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