The only coherent words in the 6 texts i recieved were don't, cute, fucking, beer, and lions
I feel like a really awesome person when i have to check my roof for things i've lost
She washed her feet in the sink at white castle. I want this girl in my life.
Her tits were the only thing that upgraded her from "no way in fuck" to "drunken mistake"
First coke bust down the road. Spring is finally here.
You never did explain why you were in wal-mart with a wok full of popcorn.
I'm covered in sharpie and the girl next to me just said something smells like fried food. Hint: it's me. Why am I in class?
I'm having mini little movies in my head. Like for example. You were talking to a blue whale with jazz man sunglasses, but not the ray charles jazz sunglass. More like sunglasses that are round. Anyway, he has a baguette and stupid french hat. And you , you had your harry potter glasses.
Normally this is when girls give blow jobs. That's how you mentally condition them to put up with PMSing, because they see the shinny blowjob light at the end of the tunnel.
thank you for extending my knowledge of the effects of vodka. speak of what happened last night and i will kill you and send your fingers to your loved ones.
He didn't get how "starting a flash flood in my thunderhole" was a sexy euphemism. Deal breaker.
Oh my god if I have to go on fetlife to find a guy who will fuck me right around here, I'm going to scream.
She just walked out of her bedroom naked and asked me to help put her diaper on. Yeah, that pretty much sums up the last 24 hours...
I knew it was all downhill from there when the straight vodka I was drinking tasted like water.
So how was it?
The cemetery or the sex?
Randomize
