I think condoms have that nasty latex smell to remind you in the morning of how gross you are.
I believe that I finger-banged my way to the top of the corporate ladder.
you washed your face with toilet water last night.. i tried to stop you but you wouldn't have it.
I'm so hungover I took Dramamine to help prevent the motion sickness of walking.
in my lab write-up should i mention that i watered my plant with tequila?
Fairly certain I called dibs on your lesbian virginity last night
You need to come over. I cant get her to stop eating honey mustard straight from the squeeze bottle
She cheated on me with the same state trooper that wrote me a ticket.
I guess now you have a way to keep your license when you bring that up in court.
Dude, you are the most awesome.
Just made nicotine water. Ithink i'm having a heart attack.
The whole movie was ruined when some chick started laughing with what you could tell was QUITE the mouthful. This of course made the guy laugh harder.
My life is a joke. Told everyone last night that they could call me Mrs. McCormick because I'm gonna end up alone with a handle of peach vodka anyways.
I thought I could grab a hold of my stream of urine. So she left pretty soon after that.
Baruch atah adonai DAT ASS DOE
God I miss you. I would very much like to have sexual intercourse with you. I'm home eating chicken alfredo.
I woke up with my my shoes on and pants half way off and missing 60 dollars. Please please please tell me you saw me last night.
Randomize
