And now we're talking about squeezing babies out of vaginas...
Seriously dude, you need to stop beating off to the ellen show, it's just weird.
i found a dude playing guitar on the portapotty
Yeah, my mom walked in on us. Instead of yelling, she went and hid in the bathroom til we finished. It was pretty classy.
i think the doormans mad at me
well we haven't pretended to pretend we were going to have a threesome with him for a while...
If I EVER think it's a good idea to blow someone who just showed me their synchronized swimming performance on youtube again please correct me immediately.
The best part of tonight is drunk commenting on my moms pic about how birds just want to give you diseases and pluck out your eyes
I woke up in a chipotle parking lot with an industrial sized box of condoms and a bag of dounut holes. I need Jesus
lol I'll trade you jello for a tampon
what a trade!
Ended up at the strip club, got told I should be a dancer 4 times, got free tacos and my hot TA slide in the dms. How was your night?
If you dont get laid dressed as Woody Harrelson in Zombieland, I have lost all faith in the men of nw Indiana.
why is there glitter IN my vagina????
She said "Im going to hug you" tried to give me a hickey then said her life sucks and started to cry.
Ooooh no. Jesus take the wheel, or Moses. SOMEBODY TAKE THE WHEEL
I pointed at him and said “there goes mr fuckwad”
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