Just had to reach into my sister's bag and shut off her vibrator so my parents wouldn't hear it. I am the world's greatest brother.
his facebook status quotes britney spears so there is always that
We need to find a way to make penises more like hookahs.
i will soon be in a relationship on fb
you!?
me and your mom. i mean, lisa.
He keeps asking where i got my clothes and accessories. i'm not sure if he wants to fuck me, or go shopping.
no i had to finish in the bathroom to a pic of her mom in a bikini.
buying a tattoo gun on ebay just sounded like a good idea at the time idk man
I just had to call my mom to come pick me up stoned at a Lana's house and beg her to buy me Taco Bell. I'm graduating from college in 14 hours. Fuck
I just passed a kid trying to leave on a lawn mower
i think ive reached a prime reproductive point in my life or somethin- i see gingers and all i want to do is have their babies. like my body knows that i have a to carry on a legacy
I woke up with a bagel in my mouth, still ate it. Free breakfast
You owe me beer. On another note, I made out with the ups guy at work today ....
I woke up with a chicken in my yard
Do you not remember hopping the fence into a chicken coop and screaming "choot em'"like you were on swamp people?
No recollection, can you come help me shut this thing up
you said you heard a baby, so i told you to go feed it. you came back 2 hours later with a pizza and when i asked you where the baby went you pointed to the pizza and puked.
I mean there are real risks associated with having unprotected sex, but I don’t think I need to worry about a ghost possessing me and having unprotected sex while using my body
Randomize
