When she said "surprise me" I'm positive she didn't mean "bang my roommate"
Prob not but she was surprised
he said i was weird because i want to have sex in public places.
i dont think thats weird i think thats fun
i forgot to tell you, he fell asleep outside my house again last night, but im weird
He asked me to sit on his face, but i didnt, for 2 reasons, one, i had just pooped like 20 mins before sex, and two, this could be my future husband. so i skipped on sitting.
Do NOT cum in me, on me, or in my bed.
I had to puke in a pizza box on the drive home. People saw.
ugh i can't even wear this perfume anymore. it just brings back blurry memories of blowjobs and regret.
We are going all out this weekend. My liver is already smiling.
I'm also 3/4 on the frats. Its like my goal of traveling to all 7 continents, but different somehow and a lot less morally sound.
Home safe. Took me everything not to stop and pick up some random cat that looked like an ocelot tho.
I want you to read this conversation tomorrow and be proud of the fact that you taught me how to decipher any drunk message. Good job.
I didn't have the heart to tell him that the reason my vagina was so "prelubricated" was because I had just had another gentleman caller an hour earlier. So, when he commented about how turned on I appeared, I just went with it.
Note to self. The tub labelled "not water" does not contain water.
You declared your undying love to a drag queen, then proceeded to puke into the poor man's purse.
woke up and you werent here...its ok if we're never going to speak again but my furry hand cuffs are missing and i would like them back. thanks.
Thanks for the hospitality last night.
You mean sex?
Yes....hospitality.
Randomize
