im at the bar and i misjudged a fart...go home or ride the night out?Never mind, the bouncer made the decision for me...be home soon
Hangovers were designed by God when he decided that so far he had taken it WAY TOO EASY on me.
just bought 2000 rhinestones and a heart shaped stencil at Micheals...I think the cashier knows i'm Vajazzling
he said he wants to do me james and the giant peach style. im afraid of what that means. but moderately excited. wish me luck.
But he made me breakfast and understands the fuck sleep fuck sleep necessities
Maybe it was that imaginary ghost dick you were stuffing in your mouth a minute ago
It is very possible that having sex with you just now just got me into Yale
You made me drive your car so you could give the dude from the parking lot a BJ in the back seat. Classy.
I kinda got drunk and threw my debit card into a bonfire so I don't have any money at the moment lol.
I WOLD FCUK YUO INTOO THE MOON
THE MOOOOOOOON
They way I see it is I've wasted 7 years of having these glorious tits. I only have about 3 good years left before idk kids or just gravity takes over and they don't look this nice so it's basically open season.
bullshit you weren't drunk, you pointed at me and said my cigarette was empty
We are the best cocktail. We look appealing, taste amazing, and ruin lives.
I am so not sober enough to have a 5 minute conversation in Spanish
So bottomless mimosas = me waking up in a truck bed in a random neighborhood with no purse or phone or idea how I got there.
Randomize
