dude i totally did the walk last night came out of her room to see her dad sitting there straight lookin at me...wtf
The reason i havent seen you yet better have huge tits
I have 250 contacts there has to be someone sober to take me to taco bell
do you know what somber means? it's kinda the opposite of a kegstand
drunk tastebuds have low standards.
My therapist is concerned about your alcoholism.
What do you need? A swimsuit and a liver of steel? What else?
Once he blows his load, he's more of an immediate flight risk than that jetBlue pilot. He's out the door before his cum is out of my vajayjay.
I was just crying my tits off and he was just sitting there listening. I was an open book of embarrassing life stories.
Wine is not your friend.
I can't wait for the day Google doesn't remind me that I got arrested for having 3 shots called 'frog cum' lined up in front of me.
This is the most boring acid ever. I feel like a child. But thats okay, I've been a child before, its nothing new.
Was so drunk I had to masturbate face up cuz I thought I was gonna be suffocated by the pillows.
Yeeeaahhh, I'm in no rush to dismiss a level 6 booty-call that pays my bar tabs and understands my Harry Potter obsession.
You're the third Mark I've fucked in that bed.
Wait, how many people just saw my dick?
Randomize
