It's a sad day when you realize you are no longer above fucking in movie theater bathrooms.
I think they should rename 16 and pregnant to "I was fucked in highschool and all I got was a baby and humiliated infront of the nation on MTV"
You don't have to be emotionally available for a blow job.
Dude we got so high last night. I said "watch this" threw a goldfish cracker in the toilet, and laughed my ass off. We watched the dvd menu for 30 minutes too.
The stripper from Delilahs paid the desk clerk to find out my room #. Either Im doin something very right or she's doing it worng.
God that barista is texting me bout his life like i care i mean dude just hook me up with free coffee thats why i gave you my number
This would be a good time for the don't get drunk and bang a married chick pep talk...
After Thursday my breakup "don't screw anybody out of respect" month will be over and I will be set loose. My pussy is purring with anticipation.
You would be my first round pick for a drinking team
There are two things I love in this world. Dick and cats. Why can't I just have dick and cats forever
Walked back to my room from the bus last night and all I see is 3 of my friends on the porch chugging whiskey and then throwing up in unison
Are sex swings allowed in dorms
turns out it took a Belgian couchsurfer dressed as Heisenberg to rock my world.
So I thought you might like to hear how I went to sams club to print some pictures and suddenly there was 20 pictures of your dick and my snatch on the screen
I woke up in my basement holding someone else's underwear and a bottle of mouthwash . I wish I could explain more than that but i can't remember ...
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