If im going to fail a midterm I might as well be drunk while I do it
I gave her a mint afterward. It felt like giving turndown service at Hotel BJ.
the ex, the guy i cheated on the ex with and the rebound are about to form a beer pong team at my party. is it bad i feel accomplished my pussy brought their union together?
the bouncer made me realize that puking in line does not get you in any faster
We literally played a game called pass the child which consisted of us shitfaced tossing the 5 year old birthday boy at each other
I've just stalked all the hot guys who have clicked "attending". I now know which guys are "yes", "maybe" and "no". I only hope my drunk self remembers.
I was laying there trying to sleep and then he sat up, took out his dick, and put it on my shoulder. It wasn't even hard- it was just casually perched.
Once you've seen a girl stick a snake in her snatch normal stuff seems like Barney and friends
I haven't been sober in 4 days.
Then be sober
No.
Home-made laxative recipe: activia yogurt and tequila shots. Any ratio ought to work.
The man built me a fort. Of course he got laid.
You win. I am a lesbian who maybe slightly jaded. I didn't mean to throw the knife at you head.
At Target. Everyone is stocking up on food and flashlights for this storm. I stocked up on beer. Dont judge me, it was on sale...
I either have a problem or a really good solution... I just ordered my homecoming dress off of a website that sells forplay outfits.
The heart wants what the heart wants, and once again it’s a guy with brown hair, wears a chain, and has a nicotine addiction.
Randomize
