ran into someone who graduated hs with us while i was paying for booze in quarters. i love it when people from my past catch me in my classier moments.
you took out flashcards at the bar and went around asking guys what totalitarianism meant.
I'm like 99% sure I made out with Kevin Spacey last night. Not good.
Doing lines and watching a show on hot dogs around the world ... Why do I do this to myself
No, the real question is if you drink like I drink why WOULDN'T you wear a cape.
He came home all fucked up crying slammed his bedroom door and all we could hear for about three hours was THIS ISN'T GONA RUIN MYLIFe what happend
I told him I got this chick pregnant and he has to get a new wingman
im not sure what exactly happened but i may need help faking my own death
And dildos are 35% off. So. Ya know. Savings.
Start warming up your vocal cords, because Fucking With The Windows Open season has arrived.
This guy on Hoarders just said "we're all about 4 or 5 decisions away from shitting in a bucket". True dat
I had my room mate call my phone after last night and it was in an uncooked quesadilla
Jesus Christ. Even your cock has to be an overachiever. :-(
You were drunkenly dancing with a statue you affectionately referred to as "The Captain." I wasn't going to deny your happiness.
Stumbled out of my bed this morning into the bathroom at 8 am still drunk, obviously. The Mormon on my floor was in the bathroom. I could practically hear her doing hail marys for me.
I found half a candy bar in my bra today... Melted to my nipple. What a mess. It was still good though.
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