in the car goin home for fam dinner and he is silent... i think he realized how big of a whore his little sister is
Seeing him suck some chick's face on VH1 wasn't exactly how I imagined the "we should see other people" conversation going.
Emily is drunk. We're coming to see you at work and we're bringing jello shots for you.
Do ex girlfriends even count for summer sexcapades. Seems like the damage had already been done
Victory lap
I just sat there and watched paula deen's face melt for an hour.
I woke up on the toilet with my feet gorilla glued to the floor, cake and makeup on my face and my hand glued to my head.
Welcome to the world of vodka. Rule #1: NEVER PASS OUT. Happy 21st
I can feel my moral fiber fraying.
Copy that. Decided to shower with a beer in a glass bottle. Gotta stop the bleeding first. Be there is 20
I ran into the kitchen halfway through hooking up cause I forgot I put the cookies on the oven too high. Came back and she was gone but the only thing I could think about was all the extra cookies I could eat now. Got through about 6 before I realized why she left.
He said he actually "met" me for the first time through a picture his housemate had of me, drunk and passed out in a pool of my own vomit, on the floor of his basement.
Dude, please tell me you know why there's a naked chick asleep outside my room.
At least get laid and waffle fries out of it you whipped basterd
it’s my vagina i can do what i want to
I wet willied a stranger last night didn’t I?
condom fairy costume came in handy...we were making out in my living room and he wanted it so i took a condom off the costume and we did it right there...with my tutu still on....
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