I just woke up in the back of his van. Bring me a sunkist.
no its okay don't call 911, she's alive. just stopped by her house and banged on her door. she said she turned her phone off because she "had to be alone with her shame and embarassment". typical.
Somewhere in this world my second husband is in 9th grade.
Jerking off has been your answer to everything tonight.
sex in a ball pit. and I thought ghandi did great things.
Is it bad that we're talking like nothing happened?
Ah. Blossoming love after wild blackout drunk sex.
You just kept yelling, "THAT'S THE POWER OF PINESOL, BABY!"
I think my vagina is going to steal my keys and drive over there.
Hopefully she would park on my face.
I wish they could condense everything I needed, nutritionally speaking, into mike and ikes
just had a very awkward conversation with the concierge at the hotel, they threw your underwear out
Would it be a good deed to leave a 32 pack of bud light next to a bum sleeping in the park?
Was about to close the deal last night until he said he hadn't seen the Taylor Swift video. So I made him watch it before I let him have sex with me.
Bro. I traded my coat. I have a Raiders coat now.
Well supposedly when the cops came, they say I tried to get them in a conga line like Jim Carrey in The Mask. So....yea
I just want to order a very large pizza and get very drunk and very laid.
Randomize
