when you close your eyes do you see, that mystical creature will be me.
who is this?
ugh.. my birth control just came out of my nose. wtf?
We had to be out of the dorms at 730. Meeting started at 8. I woke up at 948. Drunk and covered in glitter.
Just printed out my Plan B coupon at the library. Saving my own printer ink and paper as well as 10 dollars towards not being knocked up.
There are 3 pics of me on my camera, naked, wearing only an apron, scooping ice cream.
She just sent me videos of her blowing my little bro and my best friend... worst. ex. ever.
Have invented new cocktail. Any flavor of crystal light and vodka. I call it "I am going to die alone"
I have 3 texts in my phone that say "Thanks King Tyler". I think I've successfully drank myself into a monarchy.
I don't like getting sloppy drunk but I don't like getting just half drunk either, I'm way too responsible if my blood alcohol level is below 0.2
if I open my eyes, my head will explode. that hungover.
am i new drunk or am i still drunk
I have never thoroughly inspected the geometry of my nipples until now. How do I fix this?
I literally just told you I found out I masturbate in my sleep. I think we can be snapchat friends again
walked into my room this morning clutching two empty bottles of sminoff to find my roommate's ultra conservative parents staring at my posters of naked men. fuck parents weekend.
I think you threw up on me last night but i can't remember so i'm not mad at you.
Randomize
