if you are receiving this text, you are one of the people i hate
I'm taking a dump and eating a fortune cookie and it said "Force it to be successful"
Sometimes your consistent use of proper punctuation makes me nervous D:
If relationships were based on ego stroking and meaningless sex, we'd be soulmates
The karaoke bar doesnt have electric avenue. Ill just have to pick another song and sing the lyrics to electric avenue
I don't call you at 3 in the morning to start a fucking relationship.
4 to the list in one week. Slutsville isn't as fun as the brochure promised.
It is becoming increasingly more likely that my entire halloween costume will be entirely composed of borrowed clothing from the two girls I'm hooking up
Wanna get really high and go on a Valentine's Day Sexathon cause we're both single or would that be weird?
All I've done this weekend is cum and drink. I think it's safe to say I'm dehydrated.
I love that you'd blow off your high school reunion to get shit faced in an aquarium with us
Um. We all know how I feel about sea life
Oh my god if I have to go on fetlife to find a guy who will fuck me right around here, I'm going to scream.
Hi, I put a dog in your house, I hope it's yours.
there's a 50/50 chance the night will end in alcohol-induced rituals of satanic nature
Just saw a commercial for non alcoholic baileys cream. WHAT THE HELL IS THE POINT?!
Randomize
