Can we reminisce? I held a mans penis while he peed. This is the craziest night I've ever had.
if i dont get laid while im dressed as Tim Tebow, i'm just staying true to the costume.
Everyone is in jail. I'll see what i can do though
his semen tasted like maple syrup. no wonder fat girls always wanna fuck him.
Your dad's facebook is ejaculating midlife crisis all over my minifeed
I feel more comfortable going down on her then actually kissing her.
I was so drunk. I apparently did a flip over the balcony using it as monkey bars. Ya I hurt a bit today
Which is worse rug burn on your nipples or laying there after wondering how long you have to cuddle before you can sneak away?
She's currently celebrating her completion of "Sober October" with "Margarita Shit-Show November."
Come on, without my personality, I'm a pretty good one night stand.
Do you ever just feel like you can feel hormones radiating from your uterus?
I need to stop getting picked up at 3 am by my friends parents. This is the second time this week. I'm a grown man.
you told the taxi driver your yeast infection was so bad you wanted to F a popsicle
Fell asleep on kitchen floor again, chicken nuggets everywhere.
LMAO I like how "don't worry I'll bring chasers" is your way of assuring things will be ok
Randomize
