Someone's got a whale tail
A thong is hangin out?
No, a fatty following them
I set the bag of cheetos on the open box on my coffee table while I was watching TV. I was so high I ate half of the styrofoam peanuts in the box by accident. Am I going to die?
I hope so
jack dropped his pants and said "bet u've never seen a dick this big." which was really sad cuz i had never actually seen one that small...you have like pinch it between ur thumb and pointer finger to give a HJ
i just sold a bong and some oregano to fifth graders for sixty dollars. doing something tonight?
She's a Laker fan, her sister is a Celtic fan... no matter who wins I'm getting a celebration bj from one of them!
Instead of politely asking me to shave, he passive-aggressively left me a groupon for a bikini wax. So I passive-aggresively fucked his roommate. And his roommate didn't mind my bush when he went down on me. Anyway, do you want the groupon or not?
Why can't it ever be the normal ones that stalk me?
Juss got out of jail; shes still in there tryin to sing her abc's backwards bc the cops neva asked her too... Whebever she gets to t she starts singin the tequilla song
Id prob hit it, but i instagram edited her picture to make her look better. Ha. She should fuck me just for that.
The bros used their bong water as pong water but I walked in mid game and didn't know so they hit our first cup and I chugged it.
I'm so hungover I can't taste anything
So yes we had an orgy last night and I sucked your tits while you fucked my husband but I am weird about sharing my toothbrush.
Clearly I was drunk when I met them I gave them a muffin. But they sure remembered me
You've changed since you got that strap on
I wish I got tanner on friday but I feel like I spent most of my time puking in the bathroom. I love my life
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