i may not always bang 16 year olds but when i do, i prefer hot ones
just got waxed at a place I havent been to in a while
woman didnt remember me then in the middle of waxing she announced that she just didnt recognize my face
I puked in the cab and in my hair and he didnt even know
the bouncer kept askin you for id just to see how long it would take you to find your pants
shes on the floor puking and texting simultaneously.
happy birthday! Any relationship between us is now officially illegal.
Just got a hand job during Charlie St.cloud I honestly never thought Id thank Zac Efron fir one of his movies but thank you
My only downfall is that I can only take shots in twos.
We left his house because I forgot how to drink water, I was just holding it in my mouth and then spitting it out, needless to say I don't remember the sex.
I was like a migrating bird last night. Navigating on pure instinct. Don't remember how... but I made it home.
easter 2014 is on 4/20 THIS IS NOT A DRILL YOUR FAMILY WILL EXPECT YOU TO BE HOME AND SOBER I REPEAT THIS IS NOT A DRILL
My plan for the weekend: 1) Get shit faced in Vegas. 2) Not die
The perfect man would keep a whisky sour in my hand and give me endless sex. I really don't think that's too much to ask for.
I lost my virginity to Adventure Time. DO YOU NOT UNDERSTAND THE SIGNIFICANCE?!
I know you would. And one day, we'll have a moment where i'll verbally assault a stranger for you.
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