I painted my nails silver
And what are the implications of that?
Is there supposed to be a msg in that? Just thought ud like to know it looks like I fingerbanged an alien
I need a shot of tequila, and quick death
omg i finished an entire carton of double double chunk chunk ice cream last night...
what? what exactly is in double double chunk chunk?
self-loathing.
and she was petting her beer can
The question is do I invite my fuck buddy to my graduation party now that my girfriend found out about her?
My horoscope told me I'm getting laid tonight. Please don't make the stars be liars
P.S. The slutty NASCAR driver costume will be saved and used year round for role play.
Don't look him in the eyes, it like looking at the sun but instead of burning your retinas it makes you wet and vulnerable
Apparently she has a 10 week old kid, which would explain the hallway effect I was feeling.
We are both federal employees and Obama gave us a four-day weekend to lie in bed. Do you know how many orgasms that will be? I knew there was a reason I voted for this guy.
no joke- she just sprinkled parmesan cheese into her champagne and slurred "I just need a little snack"
I am eating a king sized snickers in the strip club. Good morning.
I am one with the molecules
I just had a guy ask me if his "jewelry downstairs" would set off the metal detector.
Not sure how my purse ended up in the bushes last night... Or why there was a noodle strainer in the toilet.
Randomize
