SO stoned. Sitting in just a thong in front of a fan. NO work for a WEEK! Life is good :)
When I got to his place, he served wine and cheese and made me sit on the balcony while he read his poetry to me. He cockblocked himself.
You've got the short couch unless you find some girl to take you home
Challenge accepted.
She twisted her ankle and paid a homeless guy for a piggy back ride home from the bar.
The woman in the hospital bed next to me just got diagnosed with flea bites on her vag.
Whaaaaaat? No way.
Now a discussion of pigs vs. dog as carrier.
I'm pretty sure they kept making references about gangbanging me but I was too stoned to catch on, I just sat there and stared at his kitten.
You came home And decided to make beer battered bacon... That's why there was smoke
I sliced my fucking arm open last night after margarita madness and had to drive myself to the ER. Got six stitches and a social worker came in and asked if I was abused due to my sex bruises. I literally had to tell her "don't worry, I like it rough"
I just coughed and my vagina hurt. We need to hook up more.
I'm just a little concerned for your well being... and your penis too I suppose.
Do me a favor and scream dirty things at him in a polite sexy, come hither way
I'm not 100 percent on this, but I think I just shit a lump of cement. What the fuck happened last night?
When I woke up today i said I will NOT sleep with her. This morning I did the walk of shame into work wearing the same clothes... How was your Monday?
He only has one ball. it was like fucking a cyclops.
How does it make you feel that I can't control my vagina around you?
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