he was dropping me off and i told him i had to go to the bathroom and i leaned into kiss him and he asked how i went to the bathroom with a tampon up there... he was amazed that their was a third hole...and wanted me to show him where it was
Bullshit. No way. If I brushed past your penis it was completely coincidental.
Somebody left a mini pitcher in the bathroom. Think its safe?
Goats are brash and offensive and cocky animals
Are you high and at a petting zoo again?
if by "adventure" you actually mean "getting ridiculously high and shaving our legs," then yes.
When I eventually hook up with a resident lets refer to it as taking a hands on approach to my job
Im going to hell in a hand basket. With a ribbon tied to my head. I'll be like a puppy for the devil.
Just watched my roommate stuff a sandwich in his pocket because we're out of paper plates.
I feel like if you're funneling natty lights on a Wednesday at 2:30pm at the apartment complex pool during finals week, you probably don't have your priorities straight.
I swear to god, my hangover cure is a green tea and a 15 minute twerkout. works every time
Did you high five my face last night?
Yes. Yes I did.
Tomorrow we start training our livers for St.Patrick's day. May God be with us.
Shia LaBeouf arrested in austin for public intoxication. JUST DO IT
This feels more like a conference of all the people I've fucked in the past year.
If I look at him, he starts sobbing. Please come get him; he's scaring the cats.
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