Fuck u you updated twitter but didn't answer my text
I know you're alive
I am now Facebook friends with Donkey Lips from Salute Your Shorts
No offense but you kinda look like a Jack Johnson fan in that pic
So apparently when I was 2, I went around drinking everybody's beer at some wedding, then passed out in a corner....
This explains a lot.
if women knew the size of my dick, theyd be much more receptive to my sloppy drunken advances
she looks like she scalped a horse for her weave
I loved your drunken rendition of "I wanna dance with somebody" that you left on my voicemail last night.
I woke up to him peeling the skin on my stomach from my sunburn. If he wasn't so good in bed I'd be a little freaked out.
my drunken justification for peeing in her closet was that her shoes were ugly
I woke up this morning to a lot of blurry photos of a swan i must have chased down the riverbank and a handbag full of loose haribo.
An old white couple caught us smoking the foot long. THE LOOK ON THEIR FACES.
I don't drink nearly as much when I'm coupled, and that's not a lifestyle I can commit to
I'm just to the point my give a fucks is so far in the red that I'm going to have to take out a 30yr loan of fucks to repay it
I woke up with my shoes on but pants in the fish tank
The cl.oudds are foaming a really big pen.Is OMG.
Randomize
