my door was closed and her door was closed but even over the r.kelly playing at full blast i was able to hear her say "THAT'S NOT THE RIGHT HOLE!". Def rethinking my roommate situation.
the only plus side is that now I'll be able to tell my son not to trust the condoms that his college gives away..........
She said "don't make this weird" and then proceeded to sniff me.
He spent the entire date challenging me to chugging contests.
Youre attempt to ruin my night by putting Date Rape by Sublime on my sex playlist failed. She was into it.
My sharpie cut off line was invaded last night. Where's my turtleneck?
BECKY! ITS ANDY FROM LAST NIGHT WITH THE PILL
Andy, Sorry you have the wrong number. But good luck with Becky!
I think I should start a match.com profile and put "robe lounging" as my only hobby
I literally just biked home like I was on the last leg about to win the tour du France. Fuck diarrhea
Odd start to the day - the FBI just showed up at my apartment.
Day two of not drinking, I think my cat is trying to eat me.
Psychosis secondary to sobriety???
Babe, Have you see my pants?
Try Jay street in Brooklyn.. that's where I last remember seeing them.
You have to just make a conscious effort not to make out with people when he's around if you want to keep him in your life?
Legit sprained my cooter. No joke. Icing her down as we speak.
This girls ass literally just fell out of her jeans in front on me on the escalator. Going commando on a Monday morning is a bold move.
Randomize
