i realized that the internet ruins the joy of a father passing down playboys to his son
i just learned how to squirt via google. life is good.
So, Southern Comfort will donate 25 cents for every bottle sold towards Gulf Coast Relief... Can we save the wetlands through my alcoholism?
I look at sleeping with him as a way to get up in the world. He will lead me on to bigger and better penises.
Sorority life is like alcoholic girl scouts, plus douchebags in polos.
I'm slightly possesive over the gucamole when i'm stoned.
Is that why you left peanut shells in my bed?
my revenge plans when i'm high are never as good as i think they are
I wonder how your parents would feel if the scarf they gave me for Christmas is mainly being used for a blindfold during sex...
As soon as the clock wound down to zero, she declared "HALF-TIME HEAD" and pulled down my pants. After the swallow, she said "BEER CHASER," got me a new one, and asked if she could make me a sandwich. Pretty sure she's lobbying hard for a ring.
Her text was so long it had an arrow to expand it. You know it's bad when even your iPhone can't handle her
Blocking me on Facebook doesn't change the fact that you've had my penis in my mouth. So there's that.
I just got nudes while talking in the third person. Not sure if I Should be proud or ashamed.
I have a txt file I don't remember making open on my desktop. All it says is "what it's like to be a bat"
Its really hard to get off when the googly eyes on your vibrator stare into your soul..
I may have just sent her dad a picture of my penis. His name's Myron, right?
He told me he loved me and I told him I shit myself
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