lol you are funny thanks bro I'll take you to a strip club
I don't wanna go to a strip club I'd rather get my boobs free or earn them from a series of good deeds
Ha! What's wrong with that? Hard work deserves compensation. I accept cash, checks, and boobies!
I want to be a jewelry store heckler. "Hey man, is she really worth it"
I have a new drinking limit. I'll stop when I know I'm going to untag the picture that was just taken of me.
It's just like the Real World with babies
Home safe. Psyche shattered. Still rolling. In love with the morrocan rug in the living room.
The drunk mom in a firefighter hat just told her to leave.
No, the moral of my Oxford interview was "Never snort caffeine pills".
There was a trampoline and tequila. It was glorious.
Please come over here so I can show off my beard, talk to you about how quantum computing is actually a symptom of interstellar physics, and then put my head under your dress
I'm drunk from drinking bourbon out of a "cupcake sippy cup" at the Denny's bar. What the fuck happened to the goals I had?
Have you had sex with a man from New Zealand? No? Then your input is invalid.
The lowest point of my life has been reached. I just drank half a jar of pasta sauce.
Drunk me is basically the Oprah of nudes. Everyone gets one.
the best part is that i get to keep the pot plants and he still has my name tattooed on his ass
You tried to lick the lightbulb and fell off of the chair onto my wife and gave her a concussion. Did i mention you were naked?
Randomize
