i just realized i have an entire drawer dedicated to the clothes of guys ive shacked with...
the taste of these tagalongs is totally worth boning that creepy troop leader chick...
Then I received a text in French, that roughly translated to "all you'll ever be good for is sex on the Internet"
Almost peed between 2 cars...till I realized that it's daytime and I'm sober.
I'm starting to second guess shaving my vagina over the kitchen sink. The lighting is so much better though.
You should try cooking mac & cheese naked sometime. It's quite relaxing.
Sitting on the curb by new england comics with a weeping drunk girl who's eating french fries saying she'll never be as successful as her sister the hand model. She's scaring the nerds.
Hey dude this is some next level no homo shit but im gonna get 2 tickets to the opera and go Hail Mary on this one girl. U take the extra ticket if i fail.
So he says to my dad "I'll pull out of your daughter but I'm not going to apologize". Yea, my night was fun.
I raged so hard that I was so hungover today I threw up out of a car window going 50mph cause my parents didn't pull over quick enough ...sorry to the people behind us
I'm just trying to find the strength to put my bra back on and come inside
You're seeing with your vagina, not your eyes.
An "unreasonable amount of ejaculate" isn't a reason to be angry at me.
Would you accept a fantastic blowjob as payment?
Just because I know you’ll get a kick out of this, I sneezed earlier and cupcake frosting came out
Randomize
