You kept hiding marshmallows in the freezer saying "they would never think to look here"
The professor just announced to the class that I talked to him in the bar on my birthday.
I would say a second date is not looking likely, I acciedentally bit his penis. it's still bleeding 43 minutes later.
Listen. I'm a changed woman. I have no problem using him for sex.
and after i failed the breathalyzer i said to the cop "i've never been very good at tests"....
ugh... thank God for ATM withdrawal limits. I was drunk enough to give that weird shaped stripper all of my money while making her cry in the back room.
So the crazy cock blocking bitch sent her a picture of her boobs using MY phone and said: he's busy at the moment
He said bow chicka bow wow. I never thought being sexually degraded would be such a turn on.
Just had to hide the fact that I'm not wearing underwear from my 7 year old niece.
What I'm saying is DOWNGRADE. Like, do you see the caps lock?
At first it will make you think "how is this physically possible?" and then it will ruin an entire food group for you.
Ugh I feel like I just got hit by a big giant sex bus.
& he told me that I give the best head ever.. like can I get that on a medal?
THIS IS AN AMERICAN HORROR STORY I CAN'T FIND MY VIBRATOR ANYWHERE WHICH MEANS I LOST IT WHEN I MOVED WHICH MEANS MY POOR VIBRATOR IS OUT THERE IN THE WORLD ALL ALONE RIGHT NOW WHAT AM I GOING TO DO
I'm going to be such a slut in Europe I've already decided
Send me dick pics. We'll make a scrap book
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