Is it wierd that I kind of wish I could hang out with Melissa Joan Hart?
just paid a stripper to have a minute conversation about the arizona game WTF
YOU GOT KICKED OUT OF FIVE GUYS LAST NIGHT FOR THROWING PEANUTS AT THE PEOPLE WHO WORK THERE?!
correction: escorted out
I told the girl who was peeing in the garbage can she must have had a lot of upper body strength.
I'm glad the dog doesn't judge me for doing leftover lines and watching George of the Jungle at 10 am
Just so we're clear, that's a yes to the honey, but if you get marshmallow fluff anywhere near my body we are never doing this again
Omg 230 lb butch lesbian with a mustache grabbed my dick. I need an adult
I'm doing shots of jagger in dixi cups and making a lesson plan for my 8th grader summer school class. My life is so close to adulthood I can taste it
Because if not I was going to quote Ryan Lochte as punishment
Thank god I got my shit together
Hold on. At Sephora trying to decide what despair smells like.
And he came by and picked me up. We cuddled in his car then had sex until... an officer doing his rounds put a spotlight on crazy haired, naked me straddling him.
Like he was inside me when I made eye contact with a police man.
I feel awkward giving career advice while naked
I had to switch coats with someone at work because you can see the giant sex choke bruise on my neck. Being kinky is hard.
they call themselves the foursome.. thats def means they're up for one right?
He spent ten minutes post bj, limp cock still out, in shock repeating 'best blow job ever'. So yes, yelling I am the penis queen out the car window was justified.
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