Her "get-your-paper-done-early-blowjob" incentive is the thing that has successfully deterred my procrastination
arguing about whether his trip to england or my trip on acid was better
Apparently he ran around last night saying he was 'the hulk hogan of muff diving'
There's nothing worse than waking up naked on the beach covered in sand and a family walking by.
I'm going to make him fall in love with me one blow job at a time.
I've hooked up with 3 different guys already this week...don't tell me I haven't been a productive member of society
Putting the night light in my bathroom cabinet was the best idea ever. Awesome for puking while light sensitive
I think you blew our chances when you yelled "YOU SLUTS COMING TO THE TITTIE BAR?" in their face
My life is a joke. Told everyone last night that they could call me Mrs. McCormick because I'm gonna end up alone with a handle of peach vodka anyways.
Stoned in some guys basement listening to ELO. it's like its 1978.
All I know is that every time I looked at my glass it was full again and I thought it would be rude not to drink it
I'm done being subtle here. MOVE INTO MY EXTRA BEDROOM SO WE CAN FUCK WHENEVER AND NOT HAVE TO WORRY ABOUT FINDING PEOPLE TO HAVE CASUAL SEX WITH.
you live like 200 miles from me and I have two years of school left
goddamnit stop pointing out all the flaws in my plan
Drunk texting is the poetry of my life
I literally have nothing else left to cut besides my drug budget; the dark days are among us
I think he might be using me for sex. I also think I might be ok with that.
Randomize
